Honesty Hour

Months ago If you were to ask me where I wanted to be in 6 months to a year, my answer would have been "oh my gosh, LA hands down - attending FIDM (Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising)" Never would I have dreamed that in a span of one month my life would be turned upside down. Who knew that a month and a half after that, I'd be living in PERU, yeah you read it right, PERU.

Moving to another country sounds so amazing, magical, surreal, like a dream I never knew I had.

I'm two weeks in, and I can tell you that it is still so so surreal - until I go to Plaza Vea (a grocery store here in Lima)... And reality slaps me straight in the face...

Is it okay if I give you a little insight into my life BP (before Peru)? Good, so... Before moving, I lived in cozy, comfortable North Carolina, saving money to move to California. For college, I never went off and lived in a dorm at a university, or an apartment with friends, I went to a ministry school. I was living at home having all the things I needed, basically taken care of. I was so blessed to be able to live comfortably and not have to worry about buying my own groceries or how much a general everyday item cost, because it was so commonplace. Now don't get me wrong, I had a job (a great one) paid for my own gas and things of that nature. However, moving to Peru I no longer have #1 a paying job, or #2 gas expenses. I have GROCERIES.

Some of you may be laughing, but if you're anything like me, you can envision my little 5'4 & 1/2 self having a standoff with a grocery store. Fists clenched at the entrance and ready to show Plaza Vea who's boss... But wait everything is in soles here, not dollars and everything looks SO expensive. The really intimidating 5'4 AND A HALF human now stands defenseless against the powers of standard pricing of the everyday essentials. Who knew buying an apple could be so traumatizing? CAN I GET HELP ON ISLE UNO? Somebody seriously help a sista out.

You're probably thinking "just ask someone to help you"... See I would. However, yet again, another SLIGHT issue is that I'm not fluent in Spanish and can (I now realize) barely get by with the broken parts I do know. See, it's not the items that I can't figure out, it's not like I don't know what to buy - it's not the prices, it's not the numbers.

It's the reality that I'm taking my first leap into adulthood in a foreign third world developing country, where I can't speak the language nor completely understand why everyone is kissing me on the cheek, or why people constantly stare at me. It's the rawness of approaching adult life situations entirely on my own. It's not about the store, it's not about the intimidation of Plaza Vea (although, I will conquer it one day) it's the idea that I have to provide for myself the things I need. And what I've come to realize is, - I don't need any of that "stuff".

Don't miss this - Yes, I need food, yes, I'm living solely off of the generosity of others as a missionary, yes, I need money to take a taxi to where I need to go every single day, multiple times a day. Yes, I need sleep, and yes, I need to stay warm, yes, I need a sense of direction - in reality, yes, I do need all of those things, but above that, what I need most, is spiritual.

I'm one of 9 million here in Lima

What I need most is Jesus, what the people here need most is Jesus. What I need most is hope, guidance, protection, grace, peace, patience, a gentle spirit, an urgent realization of spiritual warfare, a kind heart and wide eyes. I need prayer and I need my spiritual father. The same exzact things the people here need.

I love what Paul writes in Philippians, he says "for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances" He goes on to say "I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." Paul recognizes the source of his stability and It's in Christ. 

This is exciting for me because James writes this "2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."

James = lacking nothing
Paul = lacking nothing

Why? Because the source of their stability is Jesus, and He is mine. He's the one that will give me the joy to face Plaza Vea again tomorrow, the patience when I'm in a car with a complete stranger and have no idea where I'm going or how to tell him where to take me, while praying that I didn't just get into an unsafe taxi. It's the knowledge that God is so so so good. It's the rest in knowing that my fate is secure, it's the joy that comes from the deepest parts of my time with Him. It's the peace that passes all understanding and it's the realization that other people need exactly what I already have.

Now this is not to say that I'm ignoring the things that my body needs or the safety precautions. No, no, I don't want you to miss it, the point I'm trying to make and the question I'm asking is, am I connected to my source and am I connected enough to face the trials with joy and am I connected enough to press on and not give up? Even when everything's against me, and the devil is having a field day, am I connected enough to press on?

The answer is yes, yes I am. (And tomorrow when I face Plaza Vea again, I will read this post for encouragement and remind myself that - yes I am.) 

Hang in there babe - you're growing up.